to my mother at midnight, before going to swim in a dark river:

I wish I thought this was as funny as you apparently do. Drowning would be the worst way to die. No, actually, let me take that back. Getting mauled by sloths would probably be the worst -- cause it would just be a slow and savage attack. Or maybe worse -- getting mauled by kindergarteners, cause they'd keep getting distracted by stuff, so you'd think, "Thank God, they've gone! Now I can try to recover from these Lincoln Log wounds." And then they'd come back and almost finish off the job again... but not quite. It'd be a viscious cycle.