Right now.
Those of you who read this blog have probably heard this already through conversations we've had, so please forgive my tendency to tell the same stories over and over again.
My mother married my stepdad when I was 12, and he has shown me the utmost love and respect since then. He has two sons of his own, but he wasn't able to see them grow up and although they have gotten much closer, they don't have the typical father-son relationship because of the years apart. I used to watch as their birthdays would roll around and he would cry because he missed them so much and couldn't be with them. He's over the moon that he has contact with them again, but they don't call him dad - they call him by his first name.
I was talking to my friend recently, who lost his mother when he was quite young. When he was 18 his father remarried, and I asked him about his relationship with his stepmom. I was shocked to hear that he calls her mom. To me, the idea of calling a stepparent a parent was absolutely out of the question. Having had two stepmothers and a stepfather, I had trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that you can give your stepparent the same love and respect you give mom and dad. I subconsciously always believed that I had the right to show my stepparents that they are not welcome, which may be natural for a child but not appropriate for an adult (which I'm trying to learn how to be). When I asked him how he could have started calling someone mom even though he didn't grow up with her, he said "out of respect for her - she loves us a lot". This touched my heart and taught me something new about love. Having experienced the awkward and sometimes painful stepparent transition a few times, I felt my admiration for this friend increase tenfold (at least!).
Even though I loved the idea that he calls his stepmom 'mom' out of love and respect, I still exempted myself because both my biological parents are still alive. Less than a week later, however, I was talking to another friend who grew up with both his father and stepdad in his life, and who has a strong connection with his stepdad, who he actually calls his father. Ok, so I'm not exempted after all.
After toying with the idea for a couple days and thinking about how much love I have for my stepdad - not only for the love he shows me, but for the affection he has for my mother - I decided it's not too late to start calling him dad. This is actually long overdue. How many times has he introduced me as his daughter and I corrected him rudely. He didn't do that by accident - he has told me and shown me time and time again that he thinks of me as his daughter.
So although this will be difficult to get used to, I have started calling him dad. Every time I do it I giggle because I know he's incredibly tickled by it and because it still feels so unnatural. But once I started doing it, I realized that this is the first time he's been called dad in around 15 years.
As I was going through some boxes at my mom's house yesterday, I found a couple items from my childhood. These are few and precious since most of them had to be tossed out when I was in junior high.
One incredible find was a book my mom bought when I was a toddler called "School Years". It was a scrapbook that kept track of my family tree, my school photos, and what my personality was like as I went through each grade. For every year from kindergarten to senior year my mom enclosed a school photo and had me fill in the questions. Most of it is in my handwriting except for the years I didn't get to visit my mom, which just included a lonely paragraph in her handwriting, explaining where I was that year.
From kindergarten...
Influential people: Dad, mom, Vivianne, Snoopy
What I want to be when I grow up: A penguin
Talents: Running, dancing, getting ready in the morning and evening, brushing hair and putting hairband in hair
Habits: sucking finger, looking in the mirror
From Grade 2...
What I want to be when I grow up: Teacher, housemom, artist, bird.
Talents: Love, dancing, drawing, doing my homework
Favorite song: Everything's going to be alright by Bob Marley
